This is what I do in school, ponder life.

If I hear... :

American music --> I miss America.

Brazilian music --> I love Brazil and never want to leave. .....and so the deep thinking begins.

Seriously, I could live happily in one of the two. But I want to have it all - I want my (hypothetical) future family to know both Alaska (USA) and Brazil. Am I asking too much?

Maybe I can only have one - but just thinking that, living without Brazil or the USA lifestyles, just makes my heart ache and my eyes water. Honestly. My friend/classmate asked me ''Where are you most happy?'' but also ''You have to remember, this is only one year here for you, you had your whole life in Alaska.'' They are both good points.

However, I always thought, knew, that for my adult life, I wouldn't stay in Alaska. That I would travel, live for a year or so in many different places. And yes, Alaska is my home. I will always visit, and (again with the hypothetical future family), I want them to know Alaska as a home also. But now Brazil is too much a part of my life, I don't want to live without it. I can't.

But then I think, what about Europe, I always dreamed about Europe being my travel-young-experiences. I think I would do so well there also! It's not really a question about 'where I'd do the best' because I know I can make it work anywhere. It's about where do I want to make it work most.

Can I really do it all? Travel-work-study in Brazil for another year (thinking about returning August 2011 for another year kinda on my own), then do the same in Europe...that's my dream right there.

The big hold up here - HOW?! I know, or at least lately I've been thinking a lot of working/studying in International Relations...but then, do what exactly?! I love traveling, languages, tourism, writing, politics, communications, teaching, helping, volunteering, fashion, ...anyone have any idea what career I can make out of that?! If you do, please let me know :D

I really just don't know what my next move is after I get back from exchange. Well - ok I do know. I will finish up high school, since I don't get credit for my senior year while being on exchange. But come summer (or winter, depending on your hemisphere ;) ) July-September 2011. I don't know what to do. You may have heard me say before that for the past three years I've wanted to go on exchange, so I always knew that was my next move in life. Well now my exchange is wrapping up, unfortunately.., and the future is looming....or waiting??

I really just want security. Not money wise, but just in knowing in life what I REALLY want to do. With exchange it was a no-brainer! It was a huge crazy leap, but I was so sure of it! Nervous yes, but so sure! I just want to know what my next leap in this path of life is! Is that too much to ask?

I don't want to lose one of the lifestyles that I love so much, Alaska, USA, Brazil. I know that the more I travel, the more places and lifes I will fall in love with...but as Shakespeare once wrote ''It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.'' ~He may have been one crazy, toking playwright, but I'm pretty darn sure he's right about this one. Great - at least I'm sure about one thing, well hey - ya gotta start somewhere!

As always, thanks for reading, I love to get comments also *hint hint*.

God bless,

Sara

To be honest I just am in a writing mood, but I have no real theme to this post. :) Who know's what I'll talk about, but here we go!

So today is (1am...) the 2nd of May. As in=11 days left of being a minor...seventeen years old. Yes, the fact that I turn 18 in less than two weeks IS freaking me out just a tad. But I'm also really excited! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I'VE BEEN IN BRAZIL OVER 8 MONTHS!! Seriously, this time has really flown by and it's getting hard for me. By that I mean- It's difficult to stay happy all the time when I know that I'm leaving in less than 3 months, that my exchange is in it's final stretch. I just LOVE IT HERE SO MUCH! It will be hard for me to leave Brazil, I am 100% sure of that. 100% scared for what is to come after exchange. I'm just not sure about how I'll handle it...For those of you who I will see when I return, I ask you to just keep in mind that, if I seem distracted or sad...It's not easy for me and that I'll get through it, I'm just going to take it slowly. We will just have to see what the future holds...

Speaking about the future...I'M REALLY FREAKED OUT ABOUT THAT! You see, it was three years ago that I decided I wanted to go on an Rotary Youth Exchange. I was sure of that decision, from the moment of the interviews, acception, departure. I never had doubts that it was something I wanted to do. Even when it was hard my first few months here, I knew for sure I was going to stay the whole year because it was going to get better - and it sure has gotten better, so much I want to live here forever. But my point is. I have had my next life goal figured out for 3 years - Rotary exchange...well now that I'm here, and it's passing by oh so quickly...I don't know what my next step is! My next life goal, dream, big huge crazy leap that people will laugh at me for when I tell them about it, but then pat me on the back for making my dreams come true. (cheesy I know...) Seriously though. What is next for Sara Zwink? That my dear friends, I guess we will figure out together.

If you have any ideas for what I should do next, seriously, any opportunities or ANYTHING, I'm up for it all. Let me know!

I think I'm just going to leave it at this...this is what has been going through my head for the past month, so that's how I'm doing - confused. :/

Basically, as far as a Brazil update goes. I'm moving into my last famliy, in the next two weeks. My current family is awesome, it's a single mom with a 3yr old daughter. It has it's hard points, it's a bit farther out of the city, and sometimes it's hard with the child...but I love this mom soo much, she knows everything about my life, I can and do tell her everything. I will really miss her and I'm sure I'll be spending some more nights here even after I move. Other than that, life is amazing, I love my friends here, and will miss them like crazy when I return to Alaska.

Life is good. And for that I'm so very thankful.

God bless :)

As always, thanks for reading, leave me a comment please! I love to hear from you!

~Sara